Our opinions and advice to the world. Updated whenever we get around to it.


[Via Nealenews]

According to Gene Johnson of the AP Canadians are urging American lefties to move to Canada.

Apparently Canada has suffered a horrendous genocide because, according to Johnson, the only remaining Canadian is a Vancouver lawyer named Rudi Kischer. Kischer is giving information sessions to Americans who have an interest in immigrating to Canada. I don't want to call these people whiners. I don't want to call them idiots either. So instead I'll give them 10 reasons not to move to Canada. Here goes...

The top 10 reasons for an American not to move to Canada:

10) Killer squirrels. These squirrels are strong enough that two of them can carry off a small child. Bad. Very bad.
9) Do I have to tell you about the cold? You Americans are soft. You won't make through February.
8) Due to how close we are to the North Pole there are only two hours of daylight during the winter months. Yes Toronto too. Those two hours are usually spent knocking the snow off of the roof and hunting squirrels for food.
7) Horrible hair. Horrendous. Have you ever heard of hat-head?
6) Hockey is mandatory. As I said in reason #9 you people are soft and won't make it through an hour of shinny.
5) Due to our obsession with reason #6 most Canadians are lucky if they have more than twelve teeth. During the harsh winter months most of us are reduced to gumming frozen squirrel meat for sustenance.
4) Taxes are so high in Canada that most Canadians have to spent two hours a day hunting squirrels. All Canadian taxes are paid with squirrel pelts. Due to restrictions on gun ownership most Canadians must hunt for squirrels using a large stick or a small frozen piece of rubber called a puck.
3) Contrary to what you have heard igloos are NOT warm.
2) Travelling is dangerous in Canada. Dog-sled teams are known to eat their owners if they get sufficiently hungry.
1) Scurrvy!

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